Leith's "in-crowd" was rocked to its very foundations yesterday, when fashion superguru magnificat burst into the "Abandon Hope" sporting a new, terrifying, skinhead hairdo.
        "Dinnae gie's any yer fucking shite!" he snarled at his gaping gang of groupies. "This cunt's fucking hard from now on!"

Later that afternoon, in a more relaxed and expansive mood, magnificat gave the following interview exclusively to THE SUN.
        Speaking from a plastic-covered couch in his £80 a day executive sauna club, he slugged back a can of Carlsberg Special whilst a trailer-trash youth (18+) performed an act of gross indecency.
        "That's smashin, kid," he purred to the tattooed, shaved and pierced lad. "Keep that up an we gonna be real good friends. What kinda car was it you said you wanted?"
        "Goo goo!" said the guy. "A-glug-a-glug," manfully staying on-task.

So how did it feel to look like a hardened criminal?
       "Strange, certainly," magnificat replied. "It's kinda weird seeing people edge away from you in pubs and even in the street. I've dropped my voice half an octave, and stopped saying Please and Thank you."
        He reached down then and stroked his young friend's shaved head, adjusting him to a better rhythm.
       "Don't want to disappoint em or disillusion, now do I? Within a very short time I'm gonna have to actually deck some cunt."

Magnificat-watchers have been concerned lately about the star's apparent emotional disintegration. Spending hours a day outside tattoo parlours and piercing clinics, he now has the words "Travis" on one hand and "Bickle" on the other - a further worrying sign of descent into serial killing.
        Our reporter made her apologies and left, with the words "I ate his liver..." trailing behind her, chillingly portentous. 

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